Sixth Lifetime
by Dissonencia
Summary: She can offer Lifetimes, but they already have Destiny.


_Disclaimer_: I do not own Bleach. I do not profit. Tite Kubo owns Bleach Characters, settings and dialogues.

_Word Count_: 3,006

_**Warning**_: Several things to warn you about.

~This can be Orihime bashing **or** criticism, it is entirely up to you.

~First part: 3rd person POV. Later part: 1st person POV. (I really had trouble with first person POV and how to shift them)

~Less description, more dialogues. I tend to get carried away with descriptions so I tired being minimal.

~I rephrased some original texts. It is like an essay/fanfic.

~I'm experimenting quite a lot lately, so please do forgive this _prototype_. I might edit this prototype.

_Summary_: She can offer Lifetimes, but they already have Destiny.

_General Summary_: Orihime mused if her five lifetime love really does deserve her five lifetime affection. Orihime's Introspection. Implied IchiRuki.

**Sixth Lifetime**

**…o0o…o0o…o0o…**

**.**

**.**

**.**

_Kurosaki-kun… there's so many things that I'd like to do_

…**0…**

_Indeed_.

"Here you go."

"Yay!"

"Now what would you say to the pretty lady? Mamoru?"

_Mamoru?_

"Thank you so much! Miss!"

_Oh right! It means Protect_.

"Oh, you're really pretty by the way! I know it's sudden but marry me when I grow up!"

_Protect…_

"Eh?"

_Protect… like the name Ichigo…_

"That's not a question! So marry me, k?"

_Kurosaki-kun…_

…

"Oh, you silly." The little boy's mother pinched her son's cheek and gestured him to the auburn haired lady.

"Orihime-chan, please excuse this little boy." She bowed, Orihime felt a little confused, the boy was just being…cute? Saying cute things, isn't he?

"It's okay." Orihime leaned down on the boy's eye level, "Your name is Mamoru?"

"Yup! It means protect!"

"That's a very nice name." Orihime smiled.

"I know and don't you worry missy, I live up to my name! I protect puppies, kittens and small bunnies from large bullies! Plus I give them milk and food!"

"That's nice. You're a good boy."

"That's right!"

…**0…**

_I wanted to work as an astronaut or even a teacher_

…

"Orihime-chan, thank you for your hard work today."

"No problem."

"You may go now. I'm sure you're busy preparing for college entrance exams." Orihime had this concern in her face. Well…she hadn't given much thought about the future…yet.

Fidgeting and squirming, Orihime tried to turn the conversation. "Um… can I stay for a couple more hours? I'll just make sure everything is prepped for tomorrow's busy day!"

"And…um…I noticed our new Baker-san can't really reach the top drawer so I thought of switching the ingredients to the lower cupboard so he that will not trip on evil footstools."

"Ahh…that would be a big help. Thank you, Orihime-chan."

"It's alright -oh dear! He might lose his memories and live in a home with robot nurses and eat food legos! I'm sure that's bad for memory problems."

"Eh?"

"Oh! I will not let that happen! Orihime to the rescue! I will never let our new baker-san trip over dangerous footstools!"

…

"Tatsuki-chan!"

"Hiya Orihime."

"Oh, where are you going, Tatsuki-chan?"

"Dojo. We've got loads of new students. I have to work twice harder to accommodate all of them. Those little brats…"

"Well, I'm sure they're flocking in your dojo because…" Orihime walked closer and grabbed Tatsuki's arm and hoist in the air, "…they heard the strongest girl in Karakura is teaching them!"

"Ah…Thanks, Orihime."

"And you…where are you going?"

Orihime blushed and meekly pointed to the basket of bread. "Oh, once again, we got loads of extra bread, so I thought Sado-kun, Ishida-kun and Kurosaki-kun might want some."

"That's great, Orihime… but then, don't you think you'll make them fat?"

…

"Listen Tatsuki-chan, do you think Kuchiki-san would like this rabbit-shaped bread? You see, today's a special animal-shaped bread day! It's the last one so I bought it myself for her –even if I work there."

"Well…Kuchiki likes rabbit-things, isn't she? But I'm not sure if she would like the idea of eating rabbit-shaped bread because technically; it's like 'eating' a rabbit."

"Oh? silly me! hehe!"

"Wait- is Kuchiki here?"

"Kuchiki-san? Oh no, I thought of saving it for her."

"Orihime, that's very kind of you but the bread would go stale."

"You are right, I'll just keep it in reference for the shape. It's Kuchiki-san, she likes cute things! Maybe I'll ask Ishida-kun to sew a bunny outfit for her. So she could dress up as a bunny while eating bunny shaped-bread and while I'm dressed as a military tank with five huge canons and eating peanut-butter leeks."

"That's a funny imagination you got, Orihime."

…

"…I wonder when she would visit again…"

"Maybe you should go and visit her yourself."

"Tatsuki-chan?"

But she was already walking away. A few steps and Tatsuki turned and waved goodbye at me.

Tatsuki-chan… _I always admired her. _She was a great person. She protected me from bullies all year throughout Middle School. She will always be my best friend.

…

And Kuchiki-san and Abarai-kun…they're probably doing well in Soul Society.

"_It's just…In the end, there was someone here to save me. The reason I can sit here now, talking about these things with a smile on my face…__**is all because of Kurosaki-kun**_."

But somehow…

…I felt like I have _**forgotten **_something_._

…**0…**

…_and manage a bake shop and go to a donut store and say I'll take everything and go to ice cream shop and say I'll take everything._

…

At first, I was so relieved. Kurosaki-kun doesn't have to deal with those grueling wounds and injuries when he fights.

With his power, he always gets hurt. I don't like it.

It hurts me. It makes me feel pain.

But it's gone now; Kurosaki-kun can finally live a normal life.

Free of everything.

I am happy and relieved. We can now go on with our life.

But then, after five months, there was something different in Kurosaki-kun's face.

I noticed it just now.

He looked _forced_. I don't understand. Was it the loss of his powers? How could that be? He's living a normal life? Free of ghost, scary hollows and injuries. He should be happy. This is what he wanted, right?

I sympathize. _Not_ empathize. I don't understand.

I felt relieved at something that hurts him?

I don't understand. _It hurts him_?

_Why_?

He wants normal life. He had gotten it, so why?

He's gone again.

He was so happy he got his Shinigami powers back that he was patrolling the town almost every time.

Kuchiki-san was there. Restored on him back on track.

Kuchiki-san was able to do that while I could only tell her how sad I was.

But then.

Kurosaki-kun always wanted to _fight _to protect. Kuchiki-san knows this. She was concerned for his happiness while I was concerned for my feelings.

_My feelings_.

She was proactive. I was only sad about his condition after realizing it.

_Do I really understand him_?

…**0…**

_If only I am allowed to live five lives…_

…

"_She changed his world_."

…**0…**

…_then I could live in five different towns_

…

_That look_.

It was…

It was really…I couldn't even…

_Too much_. I had to look away.

…**0…**

…_and eat five different foods _

…

"_Why can't I see myself reflected in his eyes?_"

I saw his mask and I was scared _of_ him.

Is _he_…is he turning to one of those monster my brother turned into?

_No_. It can't be…

Kurosaki-kun is someone so strong! He couldn't be using that kind of power! He doesn't need to. Why would he fight using that? He had his Shinigami powers! He's already strong!

Kurosaki-kun said he'll win and I believe in him.

_Kurosaki-kun is so strong_. Strong. Strong. Strong.

I even forgot that he was fighting for me and Nell.

Not once. Not once did I ever tell him to go back and stay safe.

Because maybe…deep down I wanted him to save me like Kuchiki-san.

Why did I go with _him_ in the first place?

Is it because he held a noose over my friends' lives? And told me the choice was mine to give?

I went with _him_ to Hueco Mundo because I wanted to save my friends and Kurosaki-kun from dying…

But why is it that I immediately thought my friends would lose…?

The enemy, they were so strong, very, very strong that I thought my friends would lose and die. I really don't want them get badly beaten! I can't!

…but thinking back, did I really have such small faith in them?

But… is it really…?

Or is it because I want to know that Kurosaki-kun will also save me like Kuchiki-san, that in a way, I may have a validation of my worth to him.

"_Originally, I just wanted to protect everyone, that's why I came here. But when they told me that he had come to rescue me…somewhere in my heart I felt joy."_

But it didn't happen the way it should be…

Kuchiki-san…even at the cross, about to die…she…she never acted like that. She never wanted him to save her.

"_I'm gonna ask you this Kurosaki, why did you come to Hueco Mundo?"_

"_Isn't it obvious?! To rescue Inoue!"_

"_Ha! If that's true then why didn't you just grab her and run?"_

What he said was true, but I accepted it as Kurosaki-kun's desire to fight. I know he wants to fight. I must accept it. That's part of him. _He's a hero_.

But still, _I can't see myself in his eyes_. _Did he really come here to save me_?

He's supposed to rescue me; he said it himself, so why…?

"_I'll spell it out for ya! You came here to fight!"_

And…he didn't even deny it.

But he's a hero who came to save me with the desire to fight, right?

Grimmjow had to tell him something to make him noticed that something happened to me.

"_Were you relieved to find her physically unharmed? Even though she might be fucked up on the inside?"_

"_Did you do something to Inoue?"_

…I felt a pang of disappointment.

Why? Why _can't he notice_ it _without having someone_ tell him? Why can't he figure out with just on his own?

Is almost like…he's clueless about me. And satisfied with seeing me not physically hurt. Why can't he look deeper?

Why can't it be like with Kuchiki-san?

…**0…**

…_and experience five different jobs_

…

"_You don't have to win, just don't get hurt anymore._"

Maybe…Kuchiki-san will never say that to Kurosaki-kun.

Thinking over and over again. Maybe, I shouldn't have said that at all. It was...

Kurosaki-kun **needed** to _win_.

Kurosaki-kun wanted to win the most.

Maybe…telling him that was…I don't know! All I know is that I don't want him to get hurt!

I would be content enough to know he's alive even if he doesn't win. But then…Kurosaki-kun would be sad…

…but I would still be content because he's alive. I didn't thought of what would happen to us, I just want him alive.

But if he becomes sad…how will I cheer him?

And Kuchiki-san…

Rangiku-san told me we are very different. But I can't help but think...

Kuchiki-san will probably say something else. _No_, she will probably not stand there and do nothing. She knew his drive. _He needed to win so we can all go back safely_. She would cheer him and help him at the same time.

But I can't stop myself for worrying about him more than anything.

…but he won against Grimmjow.

He said he will win and he did.

He always wins. _Always wins_.

…**0…**

…_and I would still fall in love with one person._

…

"_Save me! Kurosaki-kun!"_

My hands clenched tightly. Not remembering the incident was something I worked very hard.

But it wasn't Kurosaki-kun who rose to the dead. This is the very thing Kurosaki-kun _hated_. And I…stood there helpless until I was blown into the ground, bounced until Ishida-kun caught me. That's when I'm sure that's not Kurosaki-kun.

"_I'm asking…why you helped him. Because he's your friend?"_

"_**Then why didn't you protect him from the first blow**__?"_

"_Why did you hesitate…?"_

"_I'll tell you. Because you are-"_

Dependent.

Blindly believing he could do everything.

When he asked me that, I truly did not know the answer. I wasn't able to answer him straight.

Shun Shun Rikka wasn't just for barrier and _healing_…it's also for attacking. _Tsubaki_.

Is it the _ability_ I lacked? Is it because it's _not_ strong enough? Is it because firing him would be _useless_? Is it because Ulqiuorra would just _destroy_ it?

Or is it the _will_ I lacked?

Why would I lack such will pertaining to Kurosaki-kun? He is my five lifetime love…

_Dependence_.

Ishida-kun risked everything.

I should have done something but I know I'll lose. Ishida-kun did. He knows he's no match. But he still fought, lost an arm, attacked Ulqiuorra and still protected me while buying me the time to help Kurosaki-kun.

Why can't I do that?

Because…

_I'm only a human. _

But I'm a human with powers.

I'm a human with powers and Kurosaki-kun was dead in front of me.

I'm a human with powers, Kurosaki-kun was dead in front of me and I don't know what to do…

…_that I screamed to his dead body to help me_.

It's intact, my powers are intact, and I'm physically able!

I did not even use my Shun Shun Rikka.

But I only screamed.

So why can't I at least do something! Why can't I do it? Why did I just sit there?

Because _I don't know what to do_.

But why is it that I don't know what to do?

_Because_…

Because I always believed that Kurosaki-kun will win. No matter what. I don't know how it would be like for him to lose.

"_I felt that Kurosaki-kun would be fine. That he will win. And believing this, I looked away_."

I should have stood up and done something even if it is losing battle. Because even if I die, even if I lost, I'd be happy to know I did _at least something_ for Kurosaki-kun, the man I will love for five lifetimes.

But I can't bring myself to.

He always wins. I'm _blinded_ by it. False image. False understanding. False dream.

And when Kurosaki-kun did not…when he failed…

…my world came crashing along with it.

My hero has fallen. My hero has fallen. My hero has fallen.

"_What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? I don't understand! What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? Kurosaki-kun!"_

The promise I made myself to never be a burden crushed itself, _"When we meet again, hopefully, __**I'll be able to fight without hiding behind you**_."

My promise, my resolve, my helplessness, my inability to stand up for him…all of it…

"_**Save me! Kurosaki-kun**__!"_

He's the man I'll fall in love in five lifetimes…but…

…but…I just asked him to give **more** for me while he lies dead.

I never really give up something for him.

This was the moment I should have done something to prove my promise.

I failed. _Miserably_.

"…_why at the very end, did I depend on him?_"

Why did I do that?

I'm overwhelmed. I'm overwhelmed.

Why does my world have to revolve around Kurosaki-kun so much?

…_Five lifetimes_.

But is it really?

When Kurosaki-kun said he wasn't proud of it, and he himself said he didn't remember anything.

I knew it wasn't a moment to be proud of.

He's no longer a monster…

He's not a monster…

Not a monster…

…a monster.

…_Monster_.

The horror of it. Only broken mess of instinct. Deprived of heart and human side. He's not Kurosaki-kun.

Kurosaki-kun is not at all invincible.

So why am I depending on him all this time?

He asked if I was all right, I was so glad he's alive and I could only smile. I wanted to tell him how relieved and happy I was, I really am, but he didn't even wait for my answer.

But when he saw Ishida-kun, he was extremely _horrified_ at himself.

It was bad.

While he goes to Kuchiki-san. I sensed his presence disappeared.

I don't know…but it wasn't like when he saved Kuchiki-san. He left the dome after winning, not a word of assurance or anything to me.

'Inoue-san-'

'Don't talk Ishida-kun… please, you need to stay still. Otherwise, we might get a foot looking hand! Hehe!'

'Inoue-san…'

I saw the sadness in Ishida-kun's eyes. We both didn't like seeing Kurosaki-kun like that.

Kurosaki-kun…was _not_ the image of a glorious, victorious prince who succeeded in defeating his enemy and rescuing a princess.

He was not happy.

…**0…**

But after five lifetimes…

…_then what_?

…

_Kuchiki-san_…_Kurosaki-kun_…

They don't need lifetimes.

They're like…they're like…_puzzle pieces_. They fit. The fill each other. They brought the best out of each other.

As if it's like…

_Destiny_.

Destiny. It's…just what is destiny? It transcends lifetimes. Lifetimes. It's like a road that connects death and rebirth. Destiny is across lifetimes, it is _wider_, deeper, more encompassing than a simple lifetime promise.

…

I am glad someone could cheer Kurosaki-kun, someone like Kuchiki-san. But… sometimes I can't help but ask…_Why can't I do that_?

But…why is it exactly that I can't do that?

Why exactly am I jealous?

I give him all these thoughts, I cheer for him, I spend my attention on him. All these and I never made a move. But I am jealous.

Are they lovers?

_No_.

But certainly they are _more_ than friends.

I am not sure if they even know what love is.

I'm not sure either if I know what love is.

But I am jealous. Maybe because I know it could progress into something else. Maybe because I am not what Kuchiki-san is to Kurosaki-kun. Maybe because we never shared something that both affected us on a deeper level, something meaningful, significant, life-changing.

Or maybe because she gave him directions.

Maybe it is already in his fate to become a hero, maybe Aizen had a hand in this. Maybe he made this possible. But whatever it is, I can never deny that its impact to the both of them was _unbelievable_, _far more important_.

Our fates. Is it connected? Is it really connected like I wanted it too? Are theirs the one truly connected?

Maybe it's meant to be like this. But I'll always be watching over Kurosaki-kun. I will help him whenever he needs it.

It is genuine. They are my friends. I will help them. I will care for them as long as they need it.

"_Maybe, it's __**impossible to feel exactly the same way as another person**__, but it's possible to people to care for one another. And to place their heart as close as they can manage."_

**...0...**

_Sixth Lifetime_

…

Maybe…Maybe this time…I…I'll live this life for myself.

…**o0O0o…**

_The End_

**Author's Note**

Lol. I have something for Renji too.

**.**

**.**

**.**

_References_:

I do not personally know who these people are. But their essays helped a lot when I went to dig the deepest aspects of Orihime. Credits given where it is due. I humbly thank you so much.

kawaichappy. /

kawaichappy.

kawaichappy.

kawaichappy.

kawaichappy.

kawaichappy1024.

kawaichappy. blogspot. Com

kawaichappy.

**Note**: Kawaichappy is NOT an IchiRuki shipper yet her ANALYSIS yielded nearly the SAME as the IR shippers. Just remove the spaces.

bleachness. - - - It was from 2009 and it still a GREAT read even now. (IchiHime Fail Essay from Karenai)

**Note 2:** Seems that ff won't show the links. Just type on Kawaichappy blogspot and it will appear.

.

.

.

Really, to all these people, thank you, thank you so much. Your posts inspired me a lot, thank you-!

Oh! Oh my god! How could I forget!? the DeathBerry forum! those _uh-mazazing,_ enlightening, funny, logical, smashing, witty, brilliant post of DB gals from various threads! Thank you, thank you so much.

…

…

…

_**Love me or hate me?**_

_**Dissonencia**_


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